Sunday, December 4, 2016

To Follow The Cat

As my British blogosphere friend Tim Burton again finds himself in trouble for (gasp!) offending a Muslim, he has decided to recount this strange episode by writing a playlet entitled Liberty and Justice meet Hubris and Nemesis.  In doing so, he has taken the nom de plume 'Follow the Cat'.  The character based on himself is Catstrangler101, which is also his Twitter handle, which means that you can indeed follow the cat.  (It should be noted that Tim has never actually strangled a cat, but has merely produced the sound effect of a cat being strangled when attempting to play the violin.  Fortunately, he has had more success with the guitar.)

Tim has posted the first act of his playlet at the Liberty GB website, and has invited the public join in.
The following playlet entitled "Liberty and Justice meet Hubris and Nemesis" is an imagined account of events surrounding the upcoming Crown Court trial of Liberty GB representative Tim Burton, accused of 'Religiously Aggravated Harassment' of one Fiyaz Mughal, professional Muslim and head of Tell Mama, an organisation of ill-repute.
To enter our competition, all you have to do is write your own alternative version of the ending, or of any act or scene in the play. Submit to Liberty GB at before Friday 23rd December. The lucky winner will earn an honourable mention on the Liberty GB website and an exclusive dual wine presentation box.
Taking up this challenge, I have written a scene for the playlet.  I don't think it's an alternative to any part thereof, but instead could be inserted into wherever Tim thinks it may be used.  This scene was written as a show of support from the North American part of the Anglosphere.  To read it, click on the "read more" link.

Act Whatever, Scene Whatever, to be inserted into the play by 'Follow the Cat' wherever he deems appropriate:

The trial of Catstrangler101 continues in the court in Birmingham.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the Pond, a Sasquatch, an Aggedor and a Red Fox have gathered together in the Haskell Free Library, which happens to sit on the border of the United States and Canada.  The Sasquatch and Aggedor, being American, had entered from the library's south side, while the Fox, a Canadian, had entered from the north.  It should be noted that the Red Fox is not a literal four-legged varmint, but is a figurative Fox, an attractive female human.  However, her hair does indeed have a reddish color.

The two Americans have poor eyesight.  The Aggedor even refers to himself as an Unpleasant Blind Guy.  But even so, he properly carries out the ancient Aggedorian greeting protocol by dipping his horn toward the Red Fox.  After the three exchange pleasantries, they find a table to sit around and get down to business.  They know that in a library, they must speak quietly.

Red Fox:  I'm very happy to meet both of you in person, but we all know that the reason we're meeting here is that our friend Catstrangler 101 is in serious, but undeserved, trouble.

Aggedor:  Yes, Fox.

Red Fox:  Just call me "Kel".  You can both call me "Kel".  As you were saying, Aggedor.

Aggedor:  Yes, Kel, we know that Catstrangler101 has been hauled into court for what is clearly a spurrious charge.  Obviously, I can't speak for Canada, but in America, such an accusation would be met with laughter.  By the way, you can call me "Agg".

Red Fox:   Certainly, Agg.  I'm sorry to say that thanks to the Shiny Pony, this sort of thing will be taken seriously in Canada.  But I just wonder what we can do for Catstrangler, other than contribute to his defense fund.  Is there some show of support that we can make?  What do you think, Sasquatch?  Or do you prefer "Bigfoot"?

Sasquatch:  "Bigfoot" is OK.  Even "Foot" will do.  There are some obvious things, like posting things on our blogs and making podcasts, like he does.

The Sasquatch briefly turns his head toward the Aggedor.

Sasquatch, continuing:  But I think that Catstrangler101 would appreciate something more substantial.

Red Fox:  You know, he did say, that he was hoping people would show up at the courthouse.

Aggedor:  Could we do that, show up at his trial?

Sasquatch:  I'm sure he would appreciate our presence, if we could all get over there.  I've been to Great Britain three times, but it's been a few years.

Red Fox:  I was there not too long ago, and got to meet Catstrangler, among others.  I'm sure he would love to meet both of you, too.  But as we all know, flights and hotels cost money.

Aggedor:  I think there may be another way.  There's this guy who calls himself the Doctor, who visits me every once in a while.  He can take us over there in his Tardis.

Sasquatch:  His Tardis?  Is that a private jet or something?

Aggedor:  No, it's not a jet.  I'm afraid that it's a bit hard to explain.

Red Fox:  Well, what can you tell us about this Tardis thing, Agg?

Aggedor:  Sorry to say, but I don't really know what the Tardis is.  All I can tell you is that it can transport people over large distances very quickly.  If I can get the Doctor to arrive where I live in Vermont, he can then pick you up in Ontario and him....

The Aggedor points toward the Sasquatch.

Aggedor, continuing: Maryland, and take us all to England in less time than it takes to go through airport security.

The Red Fox and the Sasquatch both let out a low growl.

Red Fox:  Darn Moslems.  Sorry.  Airport security, you know.

Sasquatch:  Yeah, it can be a pain.  All right then, Agg, how soon can you get in touch with this, uh, Doctor?  Did I get that right, he calls himself a Doctor?

Aggedor:  Not just a Doctor, but the Doctor.  Give me a bit of time, and I'll see if I can contact him.

Red Fox:  All right then, Agg.  Please keep Bigfoot and me posted.

Aggedor:  I certainly will.

The Aggedor and the Sasquatch exchange goodbyes with the Red Fox.  All exit the library through the same respective doors by which they had entered.

Some time later, as snow begins to blanket the mountains of Vermont, a strange rectangular object is seen in the sky.  Some would even say that it resembles a blue box.
Notes and Credits:

The Red Fox, a.k.a. Kel, has her own blog, and is very active at BlogTalkRadio.

The Aggedor, a.k.a. Unpleasant Blind Guy, is a contributor to SHR Media, both on YouTube and Spreaker.

The Haskell Free Library is located partially in Stanstead, Quebec, Canada and partially in Derby Line, Vermont, U.S.A.  For more on this place, go to Atlas Obscura and Mental Floss.

Disclaimer:  I did not invent the character of the Doctor or his Tardis contraption, of which the Aggedor speaks.  These are an allusion to a popular British TV show.

If you wish to enter the contest, go to the Liberty GB link above, and send your submission to the email address linked therein.

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